Tales of the Parodyverse

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ag
Thu Jun 09, 2005 at 10:42:26 am EDT

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Visionary Week Special #2, Sneaks in Schloss Schreckhausen
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Visionary Week Special #2, Sneaks in Schloss Schreckhausen





Schloss Schreckhausen, the gothic looking European castle that was transplanted to Parodopolis by its current owner, sits majestically in the quiet neighborhood.
It’s eight in the evening and all is peaceful.
Two figures crouch down behind a neighbor’s hedge. One looks calm and collected, the other looks very reluctant.
Trickshot had parked the jet blocks away at the local Wally World parking lot and made them hot foot it all the way to this residential street.
“Ok, why are we doing this again?” Visionary asked his companion. He was nervous and out of breath. If it weren’t for the healing he received from Lara Night he wouldn’t have been able to get this far.
“Town has a new Zemo. It’s high time I paid her a visit.”
“I’ve already met her. She’s kind of scary.”
“Heh. Like most of my dates.”
“Do most of your dates have weapons that could vaporize you?”
“Relax Vish! I got things under control. Way I see it she lets anyone in just so she can show how tough and in control she is. She’ll let you in at a drop of the purple mask.”
“Me?”
“Of course! You will knock on that door and go in.”
“WHAT? I can’t do that!”
“Sure you can.”
“But… what would I say?”
“I don’t care. Think of something! Ask to barrow a cup of sugar or to get dry cause it’s raining.”
“It’s not raining.”
“Tell her your car broke down, whatever! I’ve been watching her ever since she started acting like a Zemo. Every chance I get I come down here and keep an eye on her. She’s up to something, I just know it.”
“You’re a peeping Tom.” That was more statement then question. Vish wasn’t surprised.
“^&*% NO! If I wanted a thrill I’d go other places! It was a Zemo who killed my Natalia on my home Earth. Here in this universe it was a Zemo who killed me. I don’t trust anyone calling himself or herself Zemo and I never will. I’m watching her cause she’s up to no good. That’s why we’re here. I want to know what she’s up to!”
“Why didn’t you confront her at Mumph’s party last Christmas if you are so serious about this? You were both there.”
“Well Mumph asked me to play it cool. Besides, I was busy with some of those Caphans you brought.”
“WHAT?”
“Oh yeah. Two of ‘em. I don’t know which ones but it was a blast. Then after I played pool with Jay I was rested enough to spend some alone time with one of those Wooster twins. Heh! What a night! Course by morning I found myself with… never mind, we’re getting off the subject! Here’s what I want you to do. While you knock on the door I’ll sneak around back. The ‘Barren-Ass’ likes to open her window around seven each night. I’ll sneak in and try to find somethin’ on her while you distract her for awhile. Sound good?”
Sure Visionary was upset that Trickshot would use him but he was even more upset that he used some of his Caphan friends and thought little enough of them to even remember their names. “No. Let’s go home.”
“Fine. Let’s go.” Tricky changed gears unusually.
“Really?”
“Of course. I’ll take you home right now. I’m sure Lisa will get a kick out of all this and even find a better task you could help her with.”
“You wouldn’t dare!”
“It’s me. Remember?”
“Sigh. Alright. But real quick ok? I’m trying to get back to the mansion to give Hallie her gift.”
“You sex machine! I had a feeling about you two.”
“I meant the Holo-Scene Tree I got from another planet.”
“Sure you did. Let’s go.”

Within minutes Visionary finds himself at the front door of the castle. He looks up at the imposing structure and takes a deep breath. He then knocked using the large, exquisitely fashioned knocker.
Trickshot was on the other side of the castle on a tree limb, waiting for the proper moment. The Two-Way Listening arrow head planted in Vish’s yellow trench coat pocket allowed Tricky to listen in.
After the large door opened a servant asked Visionary what he wanted.
“Um… I was in the neighborhood and I needed to speak with the Baroness.”
“Is she expecting you?”
“No but it’s really important. Can you tell her I’m here?”
The servant agreed and set off. Vish looked around at the beautifully adorned entrance hall.
From the back Tricky saw a light turn on. He knew she had been interrupted in whatever she was doing and was now heading downstairs to greet her guest.
As soon as she left Trickshot used a special arrow tip to open the window and crawl in. Once inside he started going through her drawers, looking for anything that would be a clue. He found nothing so he creped into the hall. All the while he heard what was going on downstairs through his listening device.

Her Excellency, Baroness Elizabeth Sweetwater Dewdrop Zemo von Saxe-Lurkburg-Schreckhausen came down the grand staircase with grace. “Why Visionary, to what do I we this honor?”
“Miss Zemo!”
“The Baroness will suffice.”
“Ah ok. Baroness I wanted to talk to you about ah… uh…”
“Yes?”
“Well it’s the Juniors! Yes, that’s it! I was wondering if you would like to teach them a lesson or two. They’ve seen how quick you think on your feet and how successful you are and I was thinking…”
“You were thinking they could learn these things from me? Well I must admit this is quite a shock.”
“Yes well it is to me too. What do you think?”
Trickshot thought it was surprisingly clever for Vish to have come up with that.
He looked around for a door that led to some secret file room. Tricky knew that he didn’t have much time to find something.
“Hey! Who are you?” an oiled muscled man with no shirt on asked.
“Crap.” In one fluid motion Tricky pulled out an arrow and let it fly. The tip expanded as a makeshift football helmet came into view. Before the man could react the helmet knocked him out.
“It’s her Thursday night masseuse. Crap.” His thoughts are interrupted as he tuned into what the Two-Way Listening arrow head was broadcasting in his ear.
Downstairs things were wrapping up fast.
“So let me get this straight Mr. Visionary. Despite our past problems you want me to take some of my valuable time and teach your delinquents?”
“Uh yes?”
“Well I think a chance to impart some of my wisdom to them could only help. Heaven knows they need it. I accept your offer. Now if you would please see your self out my Thursday man-servant should have just arrived and I could use a hot bath and a massage. Good night.” Elizabeth turned on her heals to head back upstairs.
“WAIT!”
She turned around on the bottom step. “Yes?”
“Uh… shouldn’t we go over a schedule?”
She returned to her ascension. “I’ll have my assistant Miss Rezilyant give you a call to work those things out.”
“Ok, uh, can I have a tour of your new home?”
“Tours are conducted during the day Mr. Visionary. Good night.”
“But… but it’s… raining outside?”
“Use your tremendously tacky coat as an umbrella. GOOD BYE Mr. Visionary.” She disappeared upstairs.
Left with no other course of action Visionary went outside, returning to their previous hiding place in the neighboring bushes.

After undressing and lying down face first on the hard message bed, Beth only had to wait a couple of minutes as her masseuse entered. “Your Excellency?” the man asked.
Looking through the hole in the message table she lied upon, the Baroness said, “You’re not Hauns. What happened to him?”
Carl Bastion, aka Trickshot, whose costume currently resided on the window ledge outside, replied, “He had a last minute accident. I’m filling in.”
“Very well. Let’s begin.”
Visionary had been waiting in the bushes for half an hour when Trickshot finally arrived with a goofy smile planted on his face.
“What took you so long? Did you get caught? Did you get anything on the Baroness?”
“Naw. I didn’t have enough time. I did leave a note with her unconscious boy toy. She’s gonna be steamed when she finds out it was me in there instead of him! She’s not bad though. I’ve had better but it was fun.”
Visionary tried really hard to think of anything else, just to wash the image out of his mind.

The two of them arrived at the local department store called Wally-World only to find the Lair Jet sitting on concrete blocks. It had been stripped of almost everything.
“OH NO!” Vish freaked. “Sir Mumphrey and Hatman are going to kill us!”
“Heh. Guess this is a pretty bad neighborhood after all.”
“TRICKSHOT! This is nuts! How are we going to get home? OH NO! Hallie’s present!”
As Visionary scrambled through the empty and stripped Lair Jet in vain Trickshot admired the local gang’s work. “Not bad. You really should had it to the locals.”
“No! I can’t! Carl I went all the way to another galaxy with Amazing Guy to get that holographic tree! I can’t do that again! What will I tell Hallie?”
“Just get her a new modem or something.”
“WHAT? She deserves more then that!”
“Sweet on her huh? Well I bet Flapjack or CrazySugarFreakBoy could…”
“ENOUGH!”
“Vish? Hey man I’ve never seen you so upset before.”
“Look Carl, I’m tired, hungry and I’ve had it with you!”
“Come on Vish. There is a bar three blocks down. Let’s go and chill for a bit.”
“NO! I’m catching a bus and going home.”
“But…”
“Good bye Carl.” Visionary stormed across the large parking lot to the other street and waited at the bus stop.
As he waited for fifteen minutes he saw Trickshot walk the other way. He was so upset.
He kept thinking about it on the bus ride out of that part of town. All he had wanted was to get Hallie something really special for her birthday. When AG showed him that tree he knew it was perfect. Now it was lost in the city and he would never be able to get it back.
After a while of dwelling on his situation he looked out the bus window. The streets were darker and looked unfamiliar.
He was the only one on the bus at this late hour so he carefully got up and held onto the seats as he moved to the front of the bus.
“Um, where are we?”
“Frank Miller Boulevard. Where did you want to go?”
“Frank Millar? But that’s the west side of town. This bus doesn’t head towards the east? I’m going to Lair Island.”
“Boy are you lost! Here.” He stopped the bus. “See that bus stop across the street?” It was lit by a single flickering lamp. Vish really didn’t want to be stranded there. “Wait there for Bus number 56. It travels east and should get you a block away from the dock.”
“Wait there? But it’s so…”
“Sorry pal but that’s all I can do.”
Visionary reluctantly got out and crossed the dark street. As the lit bus traveled deep into the darkness, leaving him alone at this secluded stop, he felt his stomach lurch.
He waited and waited as the moon continued to travel the sky. It was a full hour later when he heard them.
“Hey Mitch! Isn’t that one of those ‘stupid heroes’ that stopped our riot a few weeks ago?”
“Yeah Bruno it is! We owe his kind some payback!”
Vish watched with wide eyes as a group of twenty gang members started to surround him. “Uh guys come on! I don’t have any powers! Cant you just go easy on me?”
The boys snickered as they drew closer. Bruno replied with a sneer, “Oh sure. We’ll go nice and easy.” He patted his iron bar with menace.
The unearthly voice of a little girl could be heard then. “Naughty, Naughty little boys! You should be at home in bed!”
“Who’s there?” one of the gang members called out with a little fear.
Visionary remembered the voice so his heart started to beat faster.
She continued to speak even as a crimson mist started to roll slowly across the ground, “Play with me boys! I’ll count to three and you hide far, far away.”
Bruno saw the fear in his gang’s eyes and warned them, “It’s just a kid messing with us! What are you all scared of?”
Several assured him with false bravado that they were not scared.
“Oh your heart rate and pulse tell me a different story.” She replied. The crimson mist started to form into the body of a little girl with bushy red hair and a deathly pale complexion. Visionary knew her and wondered if things just got worse.
“You’re just a little girl! Get lost brat before we teach you not to go out at night!”
A wicked grin fell across her face and her eyes turned blood red, “Actually I believe it is I who shall be teaching THAT lesson.”
When the moonlight danced off her tiny fangs Visionary really wished he was anywhere but there.



Next time we have the conclusion. Will Vish become a snack? Will he get home? Will he get Hallie’s present back?
Wait and see.




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Amazing Guy






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